Thursday, March 22, 2012

Este post vai ser grande!

Já sigo a Daisy Lola há algum tempo. Apesar de ser apenas uma miúda de 19 anos acho-a muito esperta e sábia (não em tudo!). Além disso escreve lindamente e acho que terá uma grande carreira como jornalista. Umas das coisas que ela gosta de escrever são conselhos e inspirações como vos vou mostrar. Ela não é dona da verdade, não senhora, e têm todo o direito de discordar mas muito do que ela escreve eu concordo plenamente.
Ainda por cima ela tem uma atitude toda punk, um estilo maravilhoso e está-se cagando para o que os outros dizem o que me faz gostar ainda mais dela. Gostava de ter o mesmo jeito para escrever que ela...mas não tenho...portanto aqui vai:

10 Dicas para teres uma boa relação amorosa by Daisy Lola retirado daqui
(em inglês, perdão)

1. If you can't make one another laugh, it ain't going anywhere, sugar.
Your partner doesn't have to be a comedian, and neither do you, but laughter is one of the most beautiful, fulfilling things about the human experience - so a potential romance without some giggles and understanding one another's weird jokes basically equates to condemning yourself to a love without smiles... And what on earth would be the point of that?
One of the reasons a lot of seemingly platonic friendships blossom into romance is that the people involved already get along really well with one another, already have a great rapport, and already have thousands of laughs up their sleeves. It's really important, when getting to know someone or starting to like them, to observe whether or not you're joking and laughing easily with one another - if you are, you're probably on the right track.

2. If you go into it expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, you're gonna fall flat on your face.
Relationships can be hard bloody work. 
You have Thursdays off and all you want to do is cuddle and go on picnics? Shock horror, Thursdays are her busiest days and she's going to be out of the house for sixteen hours.
His mother is the biggest influence in his life and he talks on the phone to her every day? Whaddaya know, she hates your effing guts.
Sometimes, shit just goes wrong. You fight, you yell, you scream - if you're me you might get a hole punched through your bedroom wall - but at the end of the day so does everyone else on the planet; it's what you do with the time you're happy that actually counts for something. If you're someone who's willing to get over these fights, to apologise when necessary, and to let go of any lasting emotions and grudges in the name of remaining happy and in love, then your relationship is going to be stronger for it.
Don't go into a coupling expecting to fight all the time, that's just inviting disaster, but please do not expect everything to be smooth sailing 100% of the time, either! Know that sometimes people just have to disagree, and being passionately in love with someone can cause people to do crazy things at times, accept this and be willing to make things work anyway, and you should be completely fine.

3. You may not wanna be friends with your ex, but they're still allowed to, you know, exist.
I was recently out with some friends for a nineteenth, and one of my closest friends, who had just come out of a two year relationship, saw her ex walking down the street. We were going to one club and he was going to another, but that didn't stop her from crying about it, having a freak out in the middle of the street - and later in the middle of the club - and, of course, forcing us to stalk him for the rest of the night and then wait around for half an hour whilst she had a drunken d&m with him.
Now, I'm not saying this was a problem, because we all love her and are completely happy to put up with her shit (hey, we've all been there!), but there's no denying that it would have been a more pleasant experience for everyone involved if she'd have just been able to smile, say hello, let him see her looking fabulous and be done with it.
I don't advise being friends with exes, but you need to be emotionally stable enough to at least pretend it's okay, you're completely sane, and though you may miss them you're better off single anyway!
The world is shockingly small, and the chances of never seeing an ex again after the split are slim to none, so please, for the love of all that is holy, practice your reaction for when you inevitably come into contact with one another!

4. If you can't get along with each other's friends, break up now before it gets too complicated.
Honestly, I've seen this a billion times, it's not fucking worth it. I'll give you two examples:

  1. Myself. Me and my (only real, ex) boyfriend were deeply in love, wanted to spend every waking moment in each other's company, and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Only thing is, we fucking hated one another's friends. I thought his were lame, boring hipsters; he thought mine were irritating social rejects not worth knowing. Looking back, in a sense we both had good points - but the strain it put on our relationship was unbelievable! He refused to come to my gatherings point blank; and when I showed up to his, I would essentially sulk in the corner and hardly interact with anyone at all. Obvious nightmare is obvious.
  2. One of my best friends. As far as I know, her boyfriend didn't even try with us. He came to maybe three parties in the 12+ months they were dating, and he left every single one early after barely exchanging pleasantries with half of the people present... Needless to say, when they broke up and he tried to give us advice on how to deal with his grieving ex none of us were having any of it! Another disaster which could have been avoided just by making the effort early on.
No-one expects anyone to become besties right off the bat (though if you do, then good for you), but a willingness to meet new people shows a commitment to the relationship that standing around with a sour look and crossed arms (or even worse, just staying at home) just can't convey.
Obviously, spending time in new social groups - or mixing the two together, how fun! - is going to involve a bit of compromise and a lot of getting used to, but for the sake of your sanity, social lives and emotional wellbeing if/when you two break up, it's completely worth it to organise some group cinema dates & see where the friendships take you.

5. Relating to point #1 - some people have completely different senses of humour... This is fine, but said people should NOT enter into a relationship with one another.
This is contestable, as all my points could be, but it's something I believe in so I'm going to impart my personal wisdom onto you now - I've dated guys in the past who don't share my sense of humour, and it has bloody sucked. See, I'm rude as hell. I think it's funny to insult the pants off whoever I'm hanging out with, particularly if I like them - I know, I know, I'm a five year old boy - partly because I think it's a subtle, less clingy way of complimenting people, but mainly just because it's bloody hilarious. Being mean is funny! Anyway, most of the guys I've dated, hung out with or whatever, don't seem to get that; I don't know if the bigger a guy's muscles, the more fragile his ego, or something, but almost every bloke I've ever tried to playfully banter with has had a sulk right from the get go! Where does that leave me? Fucked. And usually not literally, either, they're usually having a tantrum about being called lame.
Similarly, it's probably not going to be too much fun if you like toilet humour and your partner thinks it's crass and immature; or if they spend their Tuesday mornings making prank phone calls, which actually is crass and immature...
You don't have to love the same comedians, or even comedy programs, but being on the same page when it comes to what is and isn't worth a giggle is pretty damn important, if you ask me.

6. It won't always be easy, but if you feel like it's worth it, hold on for dear life.
This is a really quick and simple one, that should go without saying... But sometimes we need to iterate the obvious, & this is one of those instances - if someone lights up a fire inside your soul, makes your day worth waking up to; if you think they're the bee's knees and the cats pyjamas and other random shit belonging to animals, THEN YOU BLOODY WELL AREN'T GOING TO GIVE UP THAT EASILY EVEN IF IT SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY PLAUSIBLE OPTION AT THE TIME. Know why most old people have been married for a century? Because they actually used to communicate with one another rather than running off with their partner's best friend at the first sign of trouble. Take a leaf out of someone wrinkly's book & actually make the effort.

7. Your first love probably won't be your last love.
Sad but true. You're not going to spend forever with your high school sweetheart, and you're going to have a hell of a time getting over them. You're probably going to compare every potential partner to that person for a long while after that, if not for the rest of your life - you're probably always going to wonder, 'what if', because the first love is usually the most intense & therefore it's going to stick in your memory for the longest time... But this isn't because it's your best love, far from it, it's just that we've tricked ourselves, through an interesting combination of romantic comedies and legitimate emotions, into the belief that the first one is as good as it gets. Not true even a little bit!
The point of first love is to help you learn the ropes, to teach you what you do and don't like in relationships, what drives you mental; conversely, what drives you mental with lust... What you will tolerate and what you won't, how arguments with your other half make you feel, and a billion other things not worth listing because I'm sure we've all been there and done that.
The loss of the first person you ever really know you'd take a bullet for is hard - no, devastating - but it really is a necessary part of life for the vast majority of people, so it's not something to completely break down and cease to function as a normal human being over.
I can PROMISE you, you will find other people who are just as fantastic, if not more so, than your first love. People who will make you feel like the world's stopped spinning on its axis, like you're a billion dollars, like all the stars in the night sky are twinkling just to illuminate their eyes. First love isn't, and probably shouldn't be, the only love. & that's okay. You'll be fine.

8. Contrary to what Cosmopolitan magazine may tell you, sex isn't everything!
Just gonna say, right off the bat, that sex is fucking awesome, & if (when!) you find someone you have mind blowing, all-other-forms-of-blowing blowing sex with, it can take the quality of your life to a whole other level. I'm the first to admit that sex is bloody fantastic... But here's the thing most people won't bother to mention... It's not the be all and end all of relationships.
I know way too many chicks (shockingly enough, not dudes) who'll chuck away a potentially great relationship simply because the sex isn't amazing. I also know a lot of chicks who bitch and whine because their boyfriends can't make them cum. I ALSO know a lot of chicks who might just be better off waiting longer than the first date before sleeping with the guy, because then maybe they'd actually have relationships that lasted longer than a week! Don't get me wrong, one-night-stands have their time and place, and everyone is free to move at their own pace; but when you're constantly finding flaws in people's performances, it might be a good idea to sit down to coffee with them a couple of times before you put their dick in your mouth.
The thing about sex, is that it's actually better when there's good chemistry between the people involved. If the sex isn't working, it could very well be something to do with how your personalities work with one another; or it could just be that one or both of you suck at sex. If this is the case, though, I don't entirely get why so many people despair so quickly, let alone how willing they are to give up! If you're in a trusting, honest & happy relationship with someone, then surely you'd be able to maturely explain to them that their thrusting isn't cutting it for you, and work on making your coitus (tee hee) completely phenomenal for both parties?
No-one is bad at sex, period. It's a load of shite. Whatever someone's doing, will work for someone in the world - and everyone is capable of being taught new and exciting things.
So if it's not making your mind go BOOM right now, chill the fuck out, focus on spending quality time with each other with your clothes on, and come back to it another day.

9. Everyone is annoying. Get over it.
Some cliches are cliches for damn good reason. When you hear people talking about "seeing imperfect people as perfect" and "looking past flaws to see the true beauty" and all that wank, DO NOT WRITE IT OFF AS WANK, BECAUSE THERE'S ACTUALLY A HELL OF A LOT OF SENSE BEHIND IT ALL! Everyone has quirks, oddities & downright annoyances that are going to get on other people's nerves at times, but that doesn't mean we should consider them a reason not to get to know, continue getting to know or even continue to date someone. I once heard a comedian say that if you have a list of more than five 'dealbreakers', there's something wrong with you, and I would have to completely agree! Yes, chewing with their mouth open is irritating; yes, singing Russian folk songs in the shower may drive you up the wall; but do you know what sucks more than these things? The thought of potentially passing up the opportunity of knowing one of the coolest people you could ever come across, simply because you're too silly to overlook the little things.
Some of the longest lasting and happiest couples I know drive one another completely mental a lot of the time - for example, I dated a meat eater for three years, and I used to constantly give him greif about bacon and whatnot even though I didn't really care - but the gorgeous thing about people like this is that they can allow their banter and bickering to replace true anger at these things, which is some advice everyone could take into consideration, even with our friendships!

10. Liking the same shit ain't all it's cracked up to be, dollface.
Yes, similar interests can be awesome, it means you can go to the same gigs together, lend one another your favourite books & eat the same breakfast on Sunday mornings... But if EVERYTHING you like is EVERYTHING that they like, then life is going to get really boring, really quickly.
Way too often I see people condemning something that, in my opinion, could have been beautiful, simply because there's not enough common ground; we're not in primary school any more, people, leave the 'I like, he likes' crap at home because it's such an outdated way of deciding compatibility!
If you like rockabilly and he likes Lana Del Ray, then surely it's all the more reason to have some fun educating one another and seeing if you can expand the other's interests? If you vote Labour and she votes Liberal, won't that lead to some incredible coffee table discussions that stimulate you both intellectually, allow one another greater insight into your partner's mind, and wile away a rainy Wednesday afternoon?
There are some differences of opinion or taste that will of course be irreconcilable - for example I would NEVER date an anti-choicer - but for the most part I think it's one of those things where everyone just needs to lighten up and accept people for who and what they are, plus all the weird magazines that come along with this!

There we have it, ten tips towards perfect romantic harmony with Daisy Lola. Relationships? Doddle.

(Note: I still suck at 'em. I'm not claiming that this knowledge will suddenly give you a Notebook-esque romance, because it's fictional & simply not the case - sometimes having more knowledge helps people along; and sometimes, in my case, it allows you to impart 'wisdom' onto other people but still fuck up everything to do with your own life! Just a disclaimer, haha.) 

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